Of Making out, Phlegm and Much Much More!! - by V.

I just finished a play. Maybe not as much as the other actors but I did my part. I will remember this play for a long time, not because the acting was so terrific, not because i adored the script, not because I amazed even myself by doing it in 3 days flat... I adored it for sheer ineptitude, incompetence and disinterest. Not to mention almost falling from a roof 40 feet high. It is a long story involving jute. Trust me...you dont want to know.

The advantage of doing a play is that you get to meet that rare species of human beings known as the theatre going audience. There were 3 days of this show and all 3 days gave me a glimpse into various sub-strata of this rare species. In order I will list V's top categories of the avreage theatre goer.

Day 1: I had to strain my eyes to find a memeber of the audience. Perhaps it was because I was not wearing my glasses. On this day we are introduced to the making out audience. These particular creatures always function as a pair, some more effective than others. The object is to minimise boredom and maximise excitement. Excitement for them and entertainment for us who managed to see them. Dont ask me why I was staring at a couple making out, especially considering that the girl was my ex-girlfriend.

Day 2: This day we a re introduced to a more civilised audience. Not a peep out of them throughout the show. Several times we had to have the lights focused into the audience to make sure they were actually there. Again, we meet a couple of specimens of the making out species. This was more raw...more animalistic. Sort of a "chomp off the jaw" genre. But then again technique is only refined with practice. I think there are more plays coming up. Ample time for practice I would say.

Day 3: By this time the actors have also realised that the only entertainment we are providing is to ourselves. And perhaps the harassed stage manager. Our third day audience was a mixture of the refined and the raw. On this day we are introduced to the species calles the "Coughers". Not to be mistaken for the well off, more the phlegmatic type if i may borrow an expression from Hippocrates. Allow me to give an example.

Cast member: Vaaatar..(Something unintelligible that was supposed to be water... I think.)

Now we observe a very peculiar phenomena. From the bottom left of the audience came a sound suspiciously akin to a snicker. It was a cough. from there it spread to the next row. And the next row. And the next and so on and so forth. It was sort of like a mexican wave with phlegm. Not to be outdone, the actors took it upon themselves to join in the chorus. From backstage came a sound that sounded suspiciously like "frigging morons". That was the stage manager. Probably to drown that out an actor on stage let out a really loud wail which originally was supposed to sound like "oh no!" but ended up sounding like a lion in orgasmic ecstacy. By now the actors and the audience were all one, each trying to out do the other. Which led to a very cacophonic symphony. "Cough cough"..."Vaaatar!!"...."Frigging morons"... "awwwww nooooooooooo!" interspersed with song and one very loud "AIYEEEEEEE!!!!" followed by a loud thud, which may have been the stage manager collapsing but was most probably just another actor knocking into a light or a prop backstage. Or potentially your honest blogger walking into a door. Somewhere in the midst of all this, we suddenly remembered that we had a play to finish and went for the curtain call... all incredibly smug about a very interactive performance. Group theatre at its best!

Somewhere out there a battlefield is still burning and the Monolith is still smoking.

As the lights fade out, one last time we hear "cough cough".."thud"... and "Frigging Morons!!!!"

This is Random Tandem member no. 2, V, reminding you, watch more plays. We need the money.

Cheers!
V.