The Return Of The Native

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Hearken all unto me, for good tidings I bring unto thee from lands afar! Ere I begin, it is with a great and uplifting happiness that I announce that…

The Prodigal hath returned!!!

Yea! Even unto this hallowed battleground wherein his words did once strive to gain readership, he hath returned! To begin anew his assault, to rejuvenate the shrunken wellsprings of language, to do whatever he did before!!!

In his absence, which many nay-sayers may have taken as indication of his desertion, it must be said that he hath faced many perils, and indeed, it was for the noble purpose of saving the land from a terrible scourge did he leave! But, fear not, good folk! He is returned!

Our Hero hath, in that perilous and forsaken journey met and grappled with many hideous monsters, winged and many-headed beasts, villainous demons and various other permanent residents (Class C Visa) of the Netherworld (South of the U.S.A) and in the end he vanquished them, yea, and even as they lay writhing on the bloody ground, he did stand upon their sunken heads and dance the Dance of Death, whereupon they succumbed to fatal injuries and breathed their last.

Their last breath, that is.

Whereupon after thus vanquishing the many hideous monsters, winged and many-headed beasts, villainous demons and various other permanent residents (Class C Visa) of the Netherworld (South of the U.S.A), he was beset by harems of lovely maidens, experienced in the art of pleasure, both in the taking and the giving of. Unto these wonderful creations of Our Dear Lord did he give himself up, and was plied with wine and vodka and many such refreshments for many days and similarly motivating entertainments during the nights. But at the end, duty beckoned with a long-distance collect call, and sadly and with great regret did he take his leave of the voluptuous maidens, for wonderful indeed was their pulchritude and amazing their voluptuosity and collective cleavages.

Then he undertook another perilous journey, yea, for was it not said in the Daily Forecast of the day when he began his first perilous journey that “You shall, in the course of the next twenty days undertake two, yes, TWO perilous journeys”? and at the end of this, his second, perilous journey hath he returned unto us, to bore us with his words again!

He hath returned!

Right. Now get back to whatever you were doing.