VENI, VEDI, KABOOM!!!!!!

I found a whole pile of my earlier writings...so I thought i'd make up for my earlier absence and at the same time find a way for the world to read these. Cheers.

I wonder, I ponder, I blunder. Those three actions would basically sum up my life. Julius Caesar’s immortal quote, translated to my life situations would read something g like: Veni, Vedi, KABOOOM! Translation: I came, I saw, it exploded. It wasn’t my fault, really. But arguing your case is really no use when a room full of grown-ups come charging into the room, see something broken, and assume that the 21 year old who’s holding the broken object in his hands is the guilty party. I tell you, there’s no justice in this world. I mean they don’t even want to listen to anything you might have to say in your defense. Terrible, absolutely heartless.

For example, this one time, I was playing basketball in the house. My mum had told me not to play in the house, using many colorful words to explain what would happen to my state of being if I disobeyed (layman’s translation- I’d be killed if I played in the house). Anyways, I assumed she was just being a mum about the whole thing and as her loving son, I was meant to disobey, and that it was in my destiny.(note from the dead- kids, don’t think this way at home) Well, I’m never one to go against anything that is pre-ordained, and well, I played ball in the house, and wouldn’t you know it, I broke something. Enter the dragon!! No wait, it’s mum!! Even worse!! Stay and face situation like a man!!!(translation- no way of getting out of there) I said, “mum, you knew I was going to break something. I really can’t stand to see you being disappointed, and so I did.” (at this point, I had on an extremely innocent face, angelic almost). However, mums know their kids better than anyone else, and my mum knows ME!! In short, that whole situation didn’t turn out entirely favorable. On the plus side though, I am now an expert at gluing back a priceless ming vase.


However this war between priceless household heirlooms and me is far from over. They sense my clumsiness, and it’s like they are stalking me, waiting for me to just move my hands in one direction or swish it in the other, and they will invariably place themselves at the receiving ends of my wild swings, waiting to be dropped and broken. I swear, it’s a conspiracy against me. They will implicate me, and I will always be blamed for their premature demise. Like I said, I’m always present at the scene of the crime. Those damn aliens always run away. I can’t positively manage to fly away or levitate away. I tried flying once and just looked like an ass swinging my arms. O ya. I ended up breaking something. Wouldn’t you know it??

I would try the levitation method, but that requires immense amounts of concentration, and knowledge of yoga, or so I’m told, and I don’t have the inclination to do yoga, nor the flexibility to do something like that. Sure, the yogis do it, but they also wear saffron loin cloths. That I don’t mind doing. Then again, the closest I got to doing anything spiritual was when I tried to hypnotize a friend of mine. It did partly work, he did fall asleep, but then I was told he had eaten too many idlis. Aw damn!!!!! Ah well.

But I digress……the fact of the matter is that every single breakable item has decided to conspire against me and the word has spread on the world wide breakable web. So the next time anyone decides to call me home for tea (make it coffee. I’m South Indian I need the coffee) make sure that all your valuables are locked safely away, and that they have no way of getting out.

Cheers and good notions
V