I’m confused.
And I’ll be thrice-damned and say it thrice again. I’m confused. I’m confused. I’m confused.
There.
Extremely uncomfortable stage of life to be confused in, but there it is. No, I don’t mean that I’m plagued by the normal fears: love, acceptance, fame, blah. What I’m confused about is my future, six months from now.
Six months from now, I’d have finished my engineering. All my heart wants is that I get into theatre and writing, my two passions. But I’m afraid that may not be so easy. That’s where the confusion comes in.
Torn between getting a job right after my engineering, and doing what I love. Add to this the fact that of the few people I’d have loved to work with, one is bogged down by career and work, unable to meet any sort of schedule (I’m not playing the blame-game, just citing the reality of the situation); and another two will leave exactly at the time I finish my course (July ’07 or thereabouts): one to learn his craft and another to ply his trade. Plodding on alone is not something that seems such an attractive prospect.
And then, someone whom I admire greatly said yesterday that looking back now, from his position as a very famous theatre artiste, probably one of the true greats in the field, he was regretful of the fact that he had done his Engineering and thereby had probably wasted someone else’s seat, since he anyway got into theatre.
Though this struck a very painful chord, I cannot even say that, because I don’t know for sure whether I am getting into theatre or not.
I’m writing, a hell of a lot, and – to borrow a British idiom – slavering away at it like Billy-O, and even in that I haven’t reached that stage where I can confidently take my oeuvre of work to a publishers’. Hence all this blog-ranting.
And this is what is causing all the aforementioned confusion: the variety of future careers I can choose from and the uncertainty that I feel about taking the decision.
I don’t think the feeling’s going to go away anytime soon.
K.
And I’ll be thrice-damned and say it thrice again. I’m confused. I’m confused. I’m confused.
There.
Extremely uncomfortable stage of life to be confused in, but there it is. No, I don’t mean that I’m plagued by the normal fears: love, acceptance, fame, blah. What I’m confused about is my future, six months from now.
Six months from now, I’d have finished my engineering. All my heart wants is that I get into theatre and writing, my two passions. But I’m afraid that may not be so easy. That’s where the confusion comes in.
Torn between getting a job right after my engineering, and doing what I love. Add to this the fact that of the few people I’d have loved to work with, one is bogged down by career and work, unable to meet any sort of schedule (I’m not playing the blame-game, just citing the reality of the situation); and another two will leave exactly at the time I finish my course (July ’07 or thereabouts): one to learn his craft and another to ply his trade. Plodding on alone is not something that seems such an attractive prospect.
And then, someone whom I admire greatly said yesterday that looking back now, from his position as a very famous theatre artiste, probably one of the true greats in the field, he was regretful of the fact that he had done his Engineering and thereby had probably wasted someone else’s seat, since he anyway got into theatre.
Though this struck a very painful chord, I cannot even say that, because I don’t know for sure whether I am getting into theatre or not.
I’m writing, a hell of a lot, and – to borrow a British idiom – slavering away at it like Billy-O, and even in that I haven’t reached that stage where I can confidently take my oeuvre of work to a publishers’. Hence all this blog-ranting.
And this is what is causing all the aforementioned confusion: the variety of future careers I can choose from and the uncertainty that I feel about taking the decision.
I don’t think the feeling’s going to go away anytime soon.
K.
.jpg)
6 comments:
have faith. i'll be back to normal soon. gimme those 6 months. then we'll see where you stand. Till then... write on!
i'm no yoda, but "follow your feelings, you must."
This very famous theatre person whom you respect very much...did he know that he was getting into theatre when he was doing his engineering?? I am guessing no. But he followed his heart. And that is all that we can do. Follow our hearts. They may take us through pain, suffering, take us to the depths of despair, to the very edge of the chasm of hopelessness. But we must continue to follow them or we lose our raison d’être! So follow your heart. And if your heart says no, then no it is. If it says yes then plow on and you will eventually see the light. Take it from someone who has been doing that for 14 years. I will make it. I am confident. Perhaps I am alone in that confidence. But I dont care. I feel that this is my time. I will succeed. Your time of clarity will come soon. You have realised your dilemma. You will find the solution. The first step is faith. And the next 6 months. And to borrow from Rae's theme "The Force is with you, young Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi yet."
become a dentist instead...
i intend to, before 40.
Dai, sollradhellam sollittu "I'm not playing the blame-game" appadinnraiya? What to do? Until I quit(which, going by the current pace of things, will happen very soon if they don't let me live my life), heege aagtiratte.
Ella dhoorta vidhiya aata.
En maadli kanayya?
Yaaruu thappu madiddhaare antha heLthayilla. Nanu sumne naan mado kelasa antha hogodh bittu, ellra jothe eneno maadthini antha itkonDu, yenu aagthayilla. Adhanne helakke hogiddhe.
Mattavara yenu thappilla, nanage eevaga iro 'free time' ennuva ondu avarige ashtu illa, ashte. Adhanne helidhe.
Post a Comment